Gone Fishing

                        Pip, the dobermann puppy’s story as told to Alexandra Bastedo

                                www.abcanimalsanctuary.co.uk

                         I don’t think I am very popular at the moment. One of the problems is my sense of taste – I have yet to find something that I don’t like to eat particularly if it is wrapped in paper so I can eat that too. Of course there are side effects as I have been known to throw up often unrecognisable objects in the morning. It does mean that my mistress frequently puts me in a muzzle but fortunately I can’t have it on all the time so I still have ample opportunity to steal and usually I am so quick it takes time for things to be mislaid.

                                                   Today forinstance Nellie the adult dobermann and I were taken for a very long walk up in the hills above Pulborough and then upon our return we were both given a huge bone. My mistress thought it would keep me occupied while she called in the sanctuary cats for the night away from the four marauding resident foxes. However I soon got bored with my bone, then Nellie comandeered it and snarled whenever I tried to get it back so I went into the kitchen to see what I could lay my jaws on there. Success! I managed to knock the kitchen compost container off the sideboard on to the floor and quickly swallowed the old teabags, dead lettuce and banana skins which spilled out. Then I went a bit higher and ate a fresh loaf of bread from the bread basket still in its paper cover. After that I managed to open up the lid of the bread bin – which had been blocked by the compost container- and scoffed the biscuits, crackers and ryvitas inside. Then I moved further along and managed to dislodge a glass jar of Udo’s Oil – omega 3 and 6 – which is added to my food. I managed to carry it in my mouth into the garden where the glass broke and I succeeded in  lapping up most of the oil from in between the shattered shards.

                                   Needless to say my mistress was pretty angry when she came in. She locked me in my cage while she picked up all the broken glass and cruelly deprived me of my usual dinner saying “You have had quite enough!”

                                     Nellie, my dobermann pal, has been quite wonderful in teaching me everything naughty she knows. However at the age of 8 months I have taken things to a higher level and am now teaching HER all  of my particular peccadillos which is great as she now gets told off too!

                                      Of course apart from eating my other main joy is chasing things and I am getting that down to a fine art  as often Nellie now joins in too in formation. There is always a lot of activity from the birds on the pond but so far we haven’t managed to catch any ducks or moorhens. However I have discovered a new talent and that is fishing. I managed to grab hold of a sluggish prize koi carp that was basking in the shallows, ate most of it and deposited the head and spine in the hall as a present for my owners. But such generosity was only met with a scream when they came in and I was frogmarched back to my cage once again. However the sensation of that slimy wriggling fish in my mouth was exhilarating and it tasted scrumptious. There are plenty more where that one came from and if I manage to eat the whole fish then nobody will notice it is missing so now –  when there’s no-one about –  I go fishing!

                                                By Alexandra Bastedo.

copyright Alexandra Bastedo

                         Alexandra is the author of “Beware Dobermanns, Donkeys and Ducks” and the veterinary recommended “Healthy Dog” and “Healthy Cat ” books. She is also the founder of the ABC Animal Sanctuary which is home to 150 abandoned animals and birds. Please help to support our work with a donation- no matter how small-or an animal adoption on our website www.abcanimalsanctuary.co.uk  Our address is: PO Box 219, West Chiltington, Pulborough, West Sussex RH20 2XB.

Barking Mad

The story of Pip, the dobermann puppy as told to Alexandra Bastedo.

     www.abcanimalsanctuary.co.uk

                        Today I was given a new green collar because the old one was rather tight. I am now the same size as Nellie, my 6 year old dobermann friend, but I am still growing. This means I can run faster and can almost catch the ducks, moorhens and cats that cross my path and can knock things and people over much more effectively should they get in my way. In other words I am almost full-sized but still have the exuberance and short-term memory of a puppy- which is a lethal combination.

                         Strangely the rubbish bins in the kitchen are now standing on top of the side-board. I had managed to work out how to open all the various lids and my owners were getting fed up with retrieving all the plastic and metal containers and paper that I was shredding all over the kitchen and garden. Also when they go out now they usually entice me back into my cage with a treat and lock me in or put on my plastic muzzle. I suppose the latter is preferable as I can still run about and send things flying but it does prevent me eating miscellaneous items and tearing things up.

                                          I suppose there have been three major events which prompted my owners to take such drastic action. The first was that I pulled my mistress’ best black coat down by yanking the hook it was hung on out of the wall and had a lovely time ripping it to pieces. The second was eating most of my master’s favourite straw hat that he had kindly left on the sideboard- though I did leave the black ribbon and lastly I took my master’s bag of pills and vitamins from the centre of the table and chewed them and spat them out all over the lawn. They didn’t taste very nice and my master and mistress spent hours painstakingly retrieving each one from the grass. I also got cystitis from all the muck I was eating so had to be on antibiotics and Cantharis 30 (the homeopathic remedy) for a week.There is talk of sending me to obedience classes but like my predecessors I am bound to be top of the class in no time and will then totally ignore everything I have been taught when I get home.

                                           My mistress was also very cruel. She took me to the vet at 6 months to have me “snipped” in the hope that it would calm me down. The effect is supposed to take 6 weeks but so far it hasn’t made a blind bit of difference. Also a peculiar quirk of my puppy personality is that I really enjoy getting told off. In fact the more I get shouted at the more I wag my tail- nothing phases me at all. Whereas Ponto, my predecessor was terrified of hot air balloons and would run away and hide I simply bark  at the flame- spitting monsters until they fly off and growl threateningly at the thunderstorms until I frighten them away.

                               The only real irritation in my life is the family of foxes including 3 cubs that will insist on playing with and pinching the toys and bones that I leave outside. If I see or sense them from the window it makes me barking mad—-.

                                My owners have gone to a retreat in the New Forest for a few days as they were in danger of having a nervous breakdown. I was going to think up all kinds of devilment in their absence but the presence of Jessie and Sharron, both stern authoritarians whom they left us with has put an end to that. However in the garden at least I am having fun digging up the plants in the flower pots and dead -heading all the buds on my  master’s prize roses.

                                         by Alexandra Bastedo

copyright Alexandra Bastedo.

If you would like to find out more about Alexandra’s animals please go to www.abcanimalsanctuary.co.uk

There are over 150 rescued animals. Any adoptions or donations are very much appreciated. We are all volunteers and all the funds go exclusively to the animals. We also encourage supporters to come and see their “adopted” animal and all the work we do. We can be contacted through the web site either by e mail or through our PO Box.